so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
