i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Congratulations! We have a period
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize