I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
