The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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