yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you traded sex for a burrito?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
