Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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