i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
