a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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