I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
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he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
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This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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