ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
