If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
