this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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