I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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