Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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