I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
