Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
