dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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