ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
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I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
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I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
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