I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
