dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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