She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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