her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
