In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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