i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
When are your genitals available?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
