How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
