Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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