She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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