Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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