That's when you crack a 10am beer
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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