I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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