Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
This house was built for laser tag.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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