my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
