I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
