Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
