I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
