I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize