I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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