You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
So. Much. Porn.
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