every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Randomize
