Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
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At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
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And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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