What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
