mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
