I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
