how can u be prego again
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
