Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
