Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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