It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
