PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
