My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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