just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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