My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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