i wish peter jackson would direct porn
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
