he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
