for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
In other news, I just burned my penis
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
