If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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