I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
