Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
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imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
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Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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