It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
