It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
