so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
