South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
