too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
This is classic penis vs brain.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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