she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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