Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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