hotel room ftw
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
