Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
