Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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