At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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