He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize